Happy Hell High
by Kakarika Seiya
Summary: Haku enters his final year at a new school, Happy Hill High. Though he has to find out the hard way why it earned the title, "Happy Hell." Between all the perverts, child molesting teachers and Sabaku's gang of friends, Haku may have a problem or two.


-Stretches.- Alright, taking a bit of a different turn this time with a new set of muses. Introductions'll have to wait till the end of the chapter. No fun boring people right at the begining. Okay boys, I get to do the honors this time.

Everyone: -Nods.-

Right. -Cracks fingers and makes self comfortable behind the keyboard.-

--

Sighing softly to himself, Haku adjusted his skirt. It was the first day of his third year of highschool and he was stuck at a new school with people he didn't know. Standing there in front of the school gates most people would mistake him for a beautiful young girl. His thick waist lenth black hair shone lightly in the mid morning sun. Delicate hands with light blue nail polish decorating the tips along with a bit of glitter. Add to that long, slender arms and legs and you have every guy's dream girl. Too bad for all of the guy's staring and fantasizing but dispite his looks and attair, Haku was 100 male. Shaking his head a bit, he quickly made his way to his first hour class since he was a little late. Before he entered his biotech class he took a deep breath. He wasn't in the mood to deal with perverted guys, but he had no choice. Walking into the classroom he bowed politely to the teacher for being late. After being force to introduce himself to the rest of the class, Haku quietly took a seat at the empty table in the back of the class.

Somewhere on the other side of the school, four boys had decided to ditch for the first hour of the day so they wouldn't have to deal with an anal math teacher. Sabaku Gaara sat on the ground, leaning heavily against his friend Nara Shikamaru, idly wondering why he hung out with these three. Light moans could be heard coming from the other two boys, Uchiha Sasuke and Hyuuga Neji. The younger of the two boys had the elder whimpering beneath him as he allowed his hand to slowly trail it's way over the fabric covering the Hyuuga boy's obvious erection. Sighing in anoyance, the red head of the group was getting bored with this little display. "Damnit, Sasuke, just finish it already so we can get the hell out of here."

Glancing over his shoulder, Sasuke scowled at the other before slowly pulling down Neji's pants, not really surprised there was nothing under them. Not like it was the first time they did something like this in an empty classroom.

Shikamaru shook his head slowly and looked to the side. He really didn't feel like watching his fellow second year get blown by the first year Uchiha. Staring at the leaves blowing lightly in the wind, Shikamaru tuned out the loud moans coming from the Hyuuga. Sighing quietly to himself, he idly wondered why he hung out with such troublesome friends. He huffed lightly and glanced down as he felt the weight against his side disappear. A pale hand was suddenly in his line of vision and he followed the arm up to amused silver eyes. Neji stood there with his hand extended to the younger boy, a light smirk on his delicate face. Shikamaru shook his head again before taking the hand in his and allowing himself to be pulled to his feet. "Jeez, how long was I out of it this time?"

All of the other boys knew that Shikamaru had a short attention span, they had known each other since middle school after all. Gaara smirked a bit as he stood next to Sasuke, who was licking a bit of suspicious white substance off his lips and fingers, and shook his head. "Let me put it this way, you were off long enough to miss Sasuke sucking off Neji while jacking himself off. Lucky you."

Shikamaru made a face and twitched a bit. "I really didn't need that much detail, Gaara."

Grinning evily, Sasuke smeared the last bit of substance on his finger off onto Shikamaru's cheek. With a violent twitch, Shikamaru didn't know what bothered him more. The fact that Sasuke just put semen on his face, the fact that he didn't know if it was Sasuke's or Neji's, or the fact that Gaara felt the need to lick it off. He really wondered why he hung out with these three all the time. An undignified yelp left his lips as Gaara's hand traveled somwhere it shouldn't have. Slapping the boy's hand away, Shikamaru glared down at him.

Gaara simply smirked right back at him. "You weren't complaining last night when my Nee-san did that to you."

Shikamaru coughed and blushed in slight embarrassment as Sasuke and Neji slowly raised a brow. Unfortunately, Gaara was in one of those sadistic moods of his. "Yeah, Shika and Temari came to a movie with Kankuro and I last night. They sat in a row behind us and half way through the movie Nii-san and I turned around to see them feeling each other up and making out. Kanku even got a picture on his cell phone if you guys want to see it later."

Before Shikamaru could make up some excuse, loud shouting from outside the classroom door caught everyone's attention.

"I'm telling you, it was a guy!"

"That's impossible, did you see those legs? No guy could look like that!"

"Anno sa, anno sa! I agree with Kiba 'ttebayo! That new kid was way too pretty to be a guy, Kankuro!"

Sighing in annoyance, Sasuke walked over and opened the door to reviel a blond and two brunettes. He quickly stepped aside as the three boys stumbled into the room. Uzumaki Naruto, Inuzuka Kiba and Gaara's elder brother Sabaku Kankuro all seemed to be arguing about some student's gender.

Shikamaru muttered a quiet "So troublesome..." before walking past them and leaving the room, heading for his second hour calc. based physics class. He felt like a good nap.

Shaking his head in annoyance at the argument, Gaara found his own way to make it end. Slipping behind Neji he shoved the elder boy hard enough to send him crashing into Naruto and sending them both to the floor. The other three occupants of the room went silent as they stared at the pale eyed second year straddling the blushing blond. A few moments of awkward silence passed and Gaara felt quite pleased with himself. Naruto, as fate would have it, was probably the only virgin in their entire little friendship orgy. Gaara seriously thought that needed changing and the Hyuuga and Uchiha sex drives were the best known in the school. Sasuke wouldn't work since him and Naruto had known each other since grade school. Sasuke's elder brother Itachi had graduated last year and currently lived in a college dormitory so that counted him out. Meaning the only one left was the Hyuuga. Gaara was determined that Naruto would get laid by the end of the month. If his subtle little hints weren't enough, he always had that nifty little pink liquid his brother made in chemestry last year. Who knew that Kankuro could make an extremely powerful aphrodisiac and turn it in as a year end project? Then again, with Watari-sensei, you could pretty much get away with anything.

"Dog pile!"

A yelp from Naruto and Neji knocked Gaara out of his little plotting mode. With an amused look he stared at the scene in front of him. It seemed as though Kiba really disliked akward silences for he felt the need to take it upon himself to end it by tackling Neji off of Naruto, dragging Kankuro down with him; who in turn grabbed Sasuke's arm to stop himself from falling with Kiba. The result was quite comical and Gaara was suddenly glad that he wasn't standing near any of them when it happened. Naruto was currently squished underneath Kiba and Neji who in turn were squished by Kankuro who had a very dishevled Uchiha on top of him. Before the five boys could move much, Gaara whipped out his cell phone and snapped a picture. That one was going on his background, replacing the one of a distressed Shikamaru stuck between a making out Uchiha and Hyuuga.

It took a few moments, but finally everyone had managed to untangle themselves from one another and headed out towards the sakura tree they used for lunch. Sasuke folded his arms behind his neck and glanced curiously at the ones that were arguing before. "So, what exactly were you guys talking about when you were out in the halls?"

Meanwhile, Shikamaru was walking down the empty hallways as the bell to end first hour rang. With a sigh he stopped by his locker to grab his bag before pushing his way through the students who were now flooding the halls. "Damn, I should have left earlier to avoid all this..."

"I said I wasn't interested. Please, just let me pass."

"Come on babe! We promise you'll have a good time!"

"What the..?" Shikamaru paused in his treck to class to follow voices he heard coming from the nearby boy's bathroom. Pushing the door open slowly, he was surprised to see what he assumed was a girl being cornered by three guys. He idly wondered what the hell a girl was doing in the boy's bathroom in the first place.

"Come on, you wouldn't be in here if you weren't looking for some fun, baby." One of the guys made a reach for the girl's skirt but the girl was too quick for him. She managed to duck under the guys arm only to be pushed against the wall by another one.

"I mean it, let me go. I don't want to hurt you." The girl seemed like she was running out of patience, though no one could blame her.

"Heh, you're just playing hard to get..." The third guy roughly grabbed the girl's wrist to pull her against him. Though he wasn't expecting the foot that came in contact with his face in a movement too fast for him to see.

"You little bitch!"

Shikamaru had seen enough. All he needed to know now was that it was three against one at the moment. "Hey! She said let go, so you'd guys better listen before I get pissed off!"

The girl looked a bit shocked at the help and the three guys just laughed. "Oh we're so scared. What's a skinny guy like you going to do against all of us? Just mind your own damned business, and you won't get hurt. This doesn't concern you!"

Shikamaru set his bag down next to the door and smirked. "You guys just messed with the wrong person." In one fluid movement the normally lazy boy had dropkicked one of the guys against a stall and flipped against the pipes of the sink. Rolling his shoulder, he stared at the third guy who was inching towards the door. "Hey. When the nurse asks what happened to you guys, tell him you threatened Nara Shikamaru."

All three of the guys stared in shock. The one near the door was the one to reply. "N-nara Shikamaru? You mean from Sabaku's gang? Oh shit..."

With a smirk and a few more punches and kicks later, the three guys were limping out of the bathroom as fast as they could. Shikamaru watched them go with bored eyes. "Pisses me off that guys like that run around this school. So damned troublesome..."

Slipping his hands in his pockets he turned to look at the supposed girl that was being harrasssed by the guys when he came in. "Hey, you alright? They didn't do anything to hurt you, did they? What the heck were you doing in the boy's restroom anways?"

The 'girl' tilted her head to the side as she examined him. Dusting off her black uniform skirt, she smiled at Shikamaru before picking up her bag from the ground. "I'm fine. They didn't do anything to me, thanks to you. I really didn't think there were people like you at this school, but I'm glad there are."

A faint blush crossed Shikamaru's face at the complement. He lifted a hand to idly scratch the back of his neck. "It's nothing really..."

With one last smile the girl walked over and leaned up, pressing her lips against Shikamaru's in thanks before walking towards the door. Before opening it, she turned and smiled again. "I'm a new third year, my name's Momochi Haku." She put a hand to her chin for a moment before slipping out the door, only to poke her head back in for one last word. "Oh, and the reason why I was in here in the first place is because I'm actually a boy. See you around!" And with that, the crossdresser was gone.

Shikamaru stood there stunned, a hand against his lips, more confused than he'd ever been. "Troublesome..." Well, at least now he knew what the three were arguing about before.

Shaking his head, he decided not to dwell on the odd occurance and just pretend it never happened. He picked up his bag and sighed as he realized he was going to be fifteen minutes late for class now. With a shrug, he decided to simply skip again and headed off towards the sakura tree where his friends usually had lunch to take a nap. He was only a little disappointed to see that the rest of the guys seemed to have a similar idea and beat him to it. With a heavy sigh, he sat at the base of the tree between the Sabaku brothers. Gaara imediately went into his habit of using his sister's boyfriend as a resting post and Kankuro didn't even spare him a glance, too busy talking with the others.

"I tell you, it was a guy! My penis-senses are never wrong."

Kiba huffed. "It couldn't have been. I know a chick when I see one. No guy could pull off crossdressing that good."

Naruto, on the other hand, had long since fallen out of the argument as he became preoccupied digging through Neji's bag for snacks while singing to himself. "Datteba-datteba-dattebayo..."

Sasuke and Neji seemed only mildly interested as they watched Kankuro and Kiba bicker while sitting on either side of Naruto.

With an annoyed huff, Shikamaru realized that he was never going to get any rest if they kept this up. "If you're talking about that new transfer student, his name is Momochi Haku and he's a boy. He told me himself."

All arguments stopped as five pairs of eyes landed on Shikamaru, the only noise being Naruto's annoying song he seemed quite fond of as he moved onto Sasuke's bag in his search of food. Kankuro was the first one to break the silence. "See! I knew I was right! I can tell a pretty boy from a chick any day of the week!"

Gaara rolled his eyes at his brother's outburst and adjusted himself against Shikamaru's chest to look up at the boy. "Besides my brother's creepy as hell self-proclaimed 'penis-senses', when did you run into this new kid? What's he like?"

Shikamaru sighed, the statement was to allow him to get some rest, not start a whole new damned conversation. "I was on my way to second hour when I heard some ruckus coming from the boy's bathroom. I went in to check out what was going on and I thought I saw this girl cornered by three guys. Well, the guys were obviously trying to molest the kid so I steped in and beat the living shit out of them. After they took off the one I saved smiled and kind of kissed me. I still thought it was a girl at that point but it still took me off guard. That's when I learned that the girl I saved was actually a transfer third year boy. He kind of took off after that."

Neji tilted his head in thought for a moment. "Huh...Did you say that the boy's last name was 'Momochi?'"

Shikamaru and the others looked over at the Hyuuga. "Yeah, what of it?"

Sasuke blinked before seemingly coming to a realization. "Momochi Haku...That name was on the news a few weeks ago."

A blank stare came from Kiba, Shikamaru, and the Subaku brothers. Naruto's head shot up from it's venture in Kankuro's bag. "Hey 'ttebayo! I saw that story!"

Kankuro rested his arm against Shikamaru's shoulder; Shikamaru was really considering having a talk with Temari about her brothers casually touching him all the time; and stared at the blond boy. "What was it?"

Naruto pushed aside the pile of bags to sit in the center of the little circle they had been sitting in. Sasuke and Neji opted to just stay quiet and let Naruto have his story time fun for the moment. Naruto cleared his throat before speaking. "Momochi Haku, second year class A from Saikoryu High School one town over was banned from the entire school district over there for hospitalizing four third years and a student teacher. Though no actual charges were pressed the acussed teenage boy stated that it was self defense because they had attempted to gang rape him. The only proof was that a bit of his shirt was torn and the hem of his skirt was ripped a little. Though the boys and the teacher aide made no comment, it was stated that even if it was self defense, Haku went too far since all of the attempted rapists were put in critical condition in the emergency room. It was then decided that because of his violent actions the boy in question was to be expelled from the district while the accused rapists would simply get suspened for the first quarter of the following year."

Everyone was silent as they stared blankly at the blond, hardly believing that the little thing had actually _memorized_ the entire story. Naruto seemed to notice the looks he was getting and blinked sheepishly. "I thought it was interesting so I recorded it 'ttebayo..."

Shikamaru was the first to speak up as he slowly shook his head. "Man, from that I guess it's lucky for those guys I stepped in on that fight. They could have gotten hurt a lot worse if I hadn't been there."

Their little chat was interupted as the bell to end second hour rang. Exchanging looks, all seven boys helped each other up and headed straight for the gym. Third hour physical education was the only class that not even Shikamaru ever ditched. With Orochimaru-sensei, every day proved to be amusing in some way. Gaara, Sasuke, Kiba and Naruto had heard interesting things about the PE teacher from Shikamaru, Temari, Kankurou, Neji and Itachi and his friends. There was no way they planned on missing a meeting with the majority of the school's favorite teacher. As they walked towards the class, Gaara smirked to himself, thinking back on the previous conversation. This Haku boy seemed really interesting. Slinging his bag over his shoulder, Gaara decided that by the end of the day he would have a new friend.

--

Heh...Poor Shikamaru. The only straight guy in his group.

Shika: -Mutters.- Mendokusei...

Haku: -Head tilt.- Should I be worried?

Kankuro: Yes. Be afraid. Be very afraid. For you shall be stalked by Gaara...of the Funk! -Que cool lights and music.-

Gaara: . Don't make me hurt you.

Haku: Round and round Haku goes, where I'll stop, you'll never know!

Shikamaru: Man I don't get it, why do all the anime girls always go for the emo guys that treat them like crap?

Naruto: Wow Sasuke, I think somebody finally beats you at lack of personality...

Sasuke: Damn it! Another thing the log beats me at! Defeating that thing is my whole reason for living!

Naruto: What about your brother?

Sasuke: Who?

Naruto: You're...Nevermind.

Kiba: Shino, I know we had to get the scroll and all, but did you really need to shove that bug up the guy with the bug phobia's ass?

Kankuro: Hey Gaara-

Gaara: If you're about to make a manwhich joke, you're next.

Kankuro: Nevermind. Hey, how come nothing happened when that guy said your name?

Gaara: Oh. That's because it was Kabuto. No one ever listens to Kabuto.

Neji: ...-Eye twitch.- What the hell...?

Malik: -Pops up out of no where and puts a hand on Neji's shoulder.- I feel your pain. MasakoX and Vegeta3986 are just as contagious as LittleKuriboh.

Okay...Two things. One, stop with the Abridged quotes you guys. Two, Malik, GTFO! This isn't your anime! Shoo!

Malik: -Mutters and poofs away.-

Naruto: ...I FOUND CLUCKY!

...-Sigh.- Done now? Good. -Smile.- Sorry for the randomness, I need to stop letting the muses on Youtube. Seems it's not healthy for them no matter how awsome and amazing Vegeta, Masako and LittleKuriboh are. Now please review! And if you have some spare time, check out Naruto the Abridged series by Vegeta3986 and MasakoX on . Trust me, you won't regret it.


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